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2007-10-29: Halloween, Amber Alert Style. | 14 Karma ++ --

Its official, I either hate the media or retarded parents. Many times they go hand in hand as somehow retarded parents acquire air time. Anyways this year they have two horrible, horrible suggestions for the general public.

First off we have the groups wanting to ban trick-or-treating, unless the children be buggered and\or murdered (by terrorists or cultists, your pick). Then we have the groups saying children shouldn't trick-or-treat with toy guns. They might actually be mistaken for terrorists, maybe midget radicals.

I say "Fuck that!" Children should be trick-or-treating and they should be armed to the teeth with real guns. Hell, this is America after all.

So you're saying that you are a parent that is afraid for your child's safety but too irresponsible to actually escort them trick-or-treating? Well its never been easier to be an absentee parent with some of my proposed Halloween costumes! Feel free to use these with your own young children.

First up for the boys we have "Johnny Tesla Coil".

Who's going to "bad touch" someone wielding 3,000 watts of pure pain? Not this guy.

Don't feel so safe with that much metal and electricity on your child's head? Easy, try "Billy Surface-To-Air".

This surface-to-air packs enough punch to clear out an entire apartment filled with extremists.

Last up for the boys we have my personal favorite, "John Rambo".

If Sylvester Stallone can hold up a 50-cal, then so can your little guy.

Now up for the girls lets start it off with "Lisa Leprosy".

This one takes some actual prepping to take. Especially hard knowing when to let the disease first incubate and then spread.

Or you could always go with "Barbie Barb Wired".

With the grace of a princess and the ferocity of barbed wire this one is sure to be a hit.

Finally on our list I offer one that actually needs some true supernatual-esque abilities, so some unfortunate children might not be appreciate the fun with this one. Behold, "Carrie".

Thats right, Stephen King's masterpiece is back and shes ready to share the fun of telekinesis with everyone!

There you go parents, some fun and easy ways to let your children enjoy the holiday while still leaving time for wife swapping.

Happy Halloween everyone! Be safe and have fun!

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